finally... after so so long i managed to log back on again.

it's another yr added to my age. a ripe old 26. sucks! so old sia. the last time i was talking to gan about how unreal i feel my age was... that physically, mentally and emotionally that i feel myself dun realli add up. i bet some souls out there feels the same too.

2009 has been a year of procrastination. u find that as u get older, the more procrastination u do. or is it just me. it's the push of the little bit of vigour u have in u that inspires new ideas.. but then it's also the age that makes u feel tired... and lazy.. ok. i think that's an excuse. it's just laziness.

quite a number of things happened in 2009. 2 of my frenz got married. many more frenz got married or are planning to. and thru facebook, i found out that.. guess wat.. even more frenz got married and some even had 2 kids running around in kindergarden schools. but amid all these "happenings", i always find myself wanting to ask the couple... how do u know that he/she is the one? i remember i asked liting this question.. and guess wat she said... u just know. wtf. if only everything in this world is as easy!

i'm in depression mode again. i find myself getting into depression mode everytime i feel that something doesnt go my way... and i'm always the one who wreak things up... like everytime i go out for dinner with others (who are not vegetarian).. i feel that they would always have to make special arrangement for me.. or couldnt go to a certain place because i do not have anything to eat there. or didnt ask me along because i wouldnt have anything to eat there anyway.. i know it sounds silly to talk about this... but i know i have to voice it out somewhere... if not i'll go crazy. i hate to be left out. but then again, i do not want to not be a vegetarian. i am not saying its bad. it's just that.. it hard. but i am not giving up. but time and again, when such things are being brought up... i realli feel that i am a hindrance to people... that if there wasnt a me, things would have gotten a whole lot smoother for the others. if i wasnt there, if i didnt exist in their lifes... maybe they would have a whole new better life for them.

i sometimes realli envy people who have a person whom they can realli talk and cry to. some of this people may be their fren or it would be best if he/she is their lover. or even a mentor, someone who can guide me in life. xtend his/her hand to me when i'm feeling lost and hopeless.

it's not realli nice to begin a year with a sad beginning... but i just couldnt help feeling sad. this question always come to my mind whenever i get depressed. should i have visited a doctor instead? but i know my problems. i just need that someone to give me a hand. but do not give me the hand, only to let go of it when i am just reaching the top and because u cant see me.

afternote: i must realli have low eq... cause now i feel happy again.